Project Complete

or
The Strange Business of Finishing a Project Instead of Abandoning It

   How strange to be done. How strange to finish a thing and leave it behind, not giving up, not over too soon, not to abandon. But to truly complete, and so to move on.

   Most things in life are left unfinished. A thousand moments and relationships and situations are left to drift, cobwebs in the air we brush against when we move. In younger days I felt such shame over every project I could not finish. Now I am older and I ask myself, is this really a failing? Or a part of the process, one to embrace, our duty simply to remember as we pull the sticky threads from our eyelashes. The things we didn’t say, the projects we never followed through on, the intentions we set and slowly could not keep to.

   Sometimes it is because we learn a thing is not for us, and to abandon is to honor yourself. These hanging threads we celebrate. We twist them into beautiful braids and hang shining beaded lessons at their ends, rattling in our memory to remind us to honor, honor, honor YOUR self. You are a unique concoction of yes and no, for me and not for me. How fascinating to discover each ingredient one by one! I have learned many times over what I do not want by trying it. I recommend it. With a dash of humor whenever possible.

   And in these rare circumstances where you are able to carry your little egg all the way to the finish line and see it burst open and take flight, alive! Alive at last! Oh! It takes such practice to learn pride. There is an emptiness that wants to creep in. We want to immediately criticize, reflect on the flaws, and cry over how wanting it is.

   After many years of this feeling swallowing me whole, I finally stumbled across this freeing truth: To do a thing is to LEARN. Completed or not. The act of doing is practice, whether you do for the first time or the last, when the last may be none of us get to know. Any time you practice, you grow, you get better. So by the end of every project, you will be able to look back and say, “Well, but now I could do it so much better!” This is not a reason to look negatively and harshly at the thing you made when you were younger, by minutes, hours, days, or years. This is an opportunity to celebrate. You’ve GROWN. What a beautiful thing.

   As my philosopher within raises a hand, I must ask myself, are we ever done? Until the day we sleep and do not wake, are we ever finished? And even then, even then, who knows? Perhaps we go on and on, eternally trying and growing. There is ever so much out there.

   Why not?

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   Yesterday morning I finished my very last round of edits on my first completed chapter novel. It's not actually done. There will be more to do when I am ready to publish it. But for now I have to let it sit and see if an agent/publisher bites, or if I’m self publishing. I also released my second self published kid’s book this spring, and I’m near wrapping up illustrations for a client’s book. I have become one of those people who LOVES checking things off??? I add things that weren’t on my To Do list if I do them just to add an extra thing I get to cross off. ACCOMPLISHMENT.
  
   Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little poetic essay. If you want to read the first chapter of my book Little Faun, a sample is available here on my website. I hope so very much to get to share it with the world soon.

   Until then, I’ll be off finishing current projects and starting new ones!

Lara Jean